i always meant to come back to this blog and post more. never did. meant to write out travels here so that they were better documented. never did. that's ok. this blog is now two years old. i started it back in 2019. as a result, i think it's time to move on. not sure what kind of blog i want next. i liked the look of this one. but there needs to be change. i'm thinking of going back to something simple. or maybe just white. with like blue and black text. or inverse of that. idk. either way, this is the last post here

strange day, rest in peace, free kennedyjavelin

god this trip starts in less than a week now. i still need to figure out where i'm staying and when for the last ten days of it. amtrak and allstate have both crossed me. i cut my finger with a serrated knife. i need to finish this last roll of film. i wanted tgo use the cinestill before my trip but it may make more sense to not rush it. still have to get through the souoped film, which i thought was in my camera for weeks but actually was not. annoying

the bandaid on my finger makes it annoying to type. i'm thinking of starting a different blog for the trip, but i could aslo just update this. it's not gonna be anything too crazy anyways

feeling a little sad rn. i think it has to do with the chnaging of the seasons. fall starts today. it feels like fall. my last day of class is taking place right now. truly a time for change. have a couple weeks to figure out everything i'm gonna do for the next month. never really talked to anyone in my class, at kleast not anyone i would hang out with outside of it. still have time i suppose but i know myself. gonna buy some more film. gonna try and make myself feel better. biked ~4 miles in fifteen minutes. my tires need air. waiting on donations at the art asylum. nostalgic for pennsylvania

muted my computer during my group's presentation. dont need to hear the video again..

got my new binoculars in the mail last night, took them on their inaugural birdwatching endeavor today. figured i could bike to work, take care of something there, then birdwatch after. eneded up taking a path that i knew monk parakeets lived on. saw those dudes. took a picture and posted it online. then as i was about to make it to the art asylum i noticed a few birds, one of which had caught my attention due to some red plumage. figured it was probably a red-winged blackbird, but stopped anyway. they were kind of hidden in a shrub, or short tree i don't know. the fist bird i saw was a starling, but since those don't have red feathers, i kept waiting for the other to show up. quickly realized it was probably a red-vented bul-bul, which i had heard about a few days earlier. there's a feral population here, but theyre native to south asia. i had planned to find one as soon as possible, but i wasn't expecting to find it that fast. funny enough, when i tried to bird later in the evening i saw almost nothing. so this was the last opportunity i had to see something and i saw what i was looking for

i finally tried to develop a color roll with caffenol. it didn't work. the roll had no images, but i'm not entirely convinced that was the fault of the chemicals. of course it could be, but when i was shooting it, i came across an issue. the frame counter kept going past twenty-four, which is what the film said it had. even went past thirty-six. and when i rewound i dont think i felt that tension release. so i fear thaty i never shot anything to begin with. that somehow it came off the sprocket, and every picture i thought i took never happened. so the developers had nothing to develop. and i think this may be the case because there was a color difference in where the leader of the film that is exposed to full light and the parts that would have been shot. looked as though even if there were images they would have sucked regardless. i would try again but shooting for the purpose of potentiallly losing them is tedious, ironically enough, and it is a waste of chemicals, since i would not want to reuse the stop and fix knowing they could contaminate the rest of it with c41 film stuff that theyre not made for. so probably won't do it, but the option is always there

booked all the places i need for the first half of my train trip, but i'm too embarrassed to ask ppl in ny and philly if i can crash on their couch... i shouldn't be, but still

i'm a week out from finishing my coding school thing. only ever told a few people i was doing this. i am a few weeks out from my amtrak trip. thought i came across an issue regarding how long i actually had to use my rail pass. but i biked over to the station and asked in person after not hearing back from the oniline message i left them. they said i should be fine once i take the first trip. which is what i assumed but wanted to double check in order to avoid scheduling issues

i finally modded my keyboard a bit after cocnluding that i would not be replacing it. the backlight has been giving me issues, and after accepting a refund for the backlight add-on from the manufacturer, i opened it up and put the foam sheet from the shippng packaging below the pcb. i'm not sure how much that alone helped, since i also added painters tape to the underside of the pcb. in theory, the tape reflects some of the noise, and the foam absorbs the remainder. it was empty inside, so that explained the hollow sounds. it was just bouncing around in there. it definitely feels heavier. and the sound is different. it's still not where i want it to be, but i think a lot of the remainder has to do with the switches themselves. a bit rattle-y, so lubing them would still be needed, but also feels like overkill on a sub-fifty dollar keyboard. looks like a tedious task. popular keyboard youtuber stated it takes minimum five hours...

i hate when i accidentally leave my mic on in the zoom chat. it's embarassing because i can never remember if whatever deranged thoughts crossed through my head were vocalized or stayed in my mind. like did i say the thoughts that i had? and if so, was it loud enough to be picked up? or was it like a whisper under my breath? i'm at the mercy of the forgiveness of the otheres in my call. what did they hear? i know they heard this dumb video about modding a keyboard, that's fine. kinda funny. but did they hear my thoughts on what i was looking at on twitter? i don't know.. maybe it's better that i never know.. could make it worse, the embarassment

had a manic episode today. maybe that's not the right word for it. all i know is i got very overwhelmed with how everything has seemingly gone against me for a good part of this year, if not the whole year. this summer especially. seems like some misfortunate thing happens to me every other week. all set me back financially and emotionally

today i cried again for the first time in a while. it wasn't due to frustration, though im sure that played a part. i was about to head out on a bike ride to where my developing chemicals are at. was gonna develop a roll and print a label. before leaving i'm in the kitchen drinking water. i look over thet kitchen bar and see my dad is watching tv. i notice the lamps and mist machine for the chameleon cage are on. there was a chameleon there for about a year, up until a couple weeks ago when it got sick out of nowhere and didn't make it to the vet appointment we set for the earliest slot available. but here he is with the light and mist machine on. and inside i spot this plastic toy chameleon that we've had forever. and i get prfoundly sad. overwhelmingly. and i leave for my ride

of course i forget the keys to the place. mistook them for the keys to my house. so the ride doesn't accomplish everythign i set out to do. but that's fine. it took my mind off things

a few years ago there was a while where i felt the world was against me. and when i look back at that, i wonder why i thought that. clearly it was an overreaction. but, increasingly, that feeling is coming back. i feel trapped at times. and i figure that a few years from now i'll look back and think the same that i do about teenage me. but knowing, or assumeing to know, this doesn't make me feel any better about now

i sold out and made a linkedin. i hope it's worth it

i'm thinking that if i dropped my bmi to like 19 or 20 i'll be happier...

the nokia life is fine. i haven't missed a connected iphone too much. there's wifi most anywhere anyways. and having a nokia gets me out of replying to texts

sold a box of ten new cassette taped from japan for fifty within twenty minutes of posting the ebay listing... shoudl've asked for more...

last week i hung out with elora. it was a very last minute thing, since i was expecting to go to austin that thursday before having to cancel the morning of (which might have actually been a good thing). i guess we were just gonna read cause she said something about doing things in parallel. i forget the phrase, but it made sense. same thing as how the only time i put effort into 'making music' is when i'm with more people doing that. but she got a flat right as we were meeting up. i said i could 'maybe' fix it in order to seem more, idk, relatable? like do i know how to put a spare tire on? yes, i've done it and have seen it done. but i added the maybe to kind of cover for me in case i looked dumb... either way she took it as a sign that i don't know and had some other guy come do it. which was totally fine. i'm happy to let a white guy put in all the effort. figured this would be as far as our hang would go, but we went to this bar called poison girl after. i had a green tea shot for the first time. tried reading outside but the mosquitos were vicious. got banh mis at one point. overall it was fun. i think that, if there's one thing that i have somehwat improved on over the past year, it's just being better at hanging out with people

which reminds me that part of what made me spiral earlier was that i was coming to the conclusion that me being nice has been at the root of a lot of my inconveniences. and i don't want to make that connection. i've been relatively happier ever since i've dropped most of the negativity i harbored as a teen. i guess i do need to draw a line bweteen kindness and complacency, but that's the thing, there's a line, they're not the same. so i shoudn't see me being nice as something that i should stop if i want to improve my immediate situations. in fact, i often feel like i could be more vocal about my appreciation for things and people... but that's another post probably

still feel like selling a lot of my posessions but thats too mcuh work. wish i could just list them and give them to people and they could like l eave a tip or donation in exchange... whatever... i just want less stuff right now