had a manic episode today. maybe that's not the right word for it. all i know is i got very overwhelmed with how everything has seemingly gone against me for a good part of this year, if not the whole year. this summer especially. seems like some misfortunate thing happens to me every other week. all set me back financially and emotionally

today i cried again for the first time in a while. it wasn't due to frustration, though im sure that played a part. i was about to head out on a bike ride to where my developing chemicals are at. was gonna develop a roll and print a label. before leaving i'm in the kitchen drinking water. i look over thet kitchen bar and see my dad is watching tv. i notice the lamps and mist machine for the chameleon cage are on. there was a chameleon there for about a year, up until a couple weeks ago when it got sick out of nowhere and didn't make it to the vet appointment we set for the earliest slot available. but here he is with the light and mist machine on. and inside i spot this plastic toy chameleon that we've had forever. and i get prfoundly sad. overwhelmingly. and i leave for my ride

of course i forget the keys to the place. mistook them for the keys to my house. so the ride doesn't accomplish everythign i set out to do. but that's fine. it took my mind off things

a few years ago there was a while where i felt the world was against me. and when i look back at that, i wonder why i thought that. clearly it was an overreaction. but, increasingly, that feeling is coming back. i feel trapped at times. and i figure that a few years from now i'll look back and think the same that i do about teenage me. but knowing, or assumeing to know, this doesn't make me feel any better about now

i sold out and made a linkedin. i hope it's worth it

i'm thinking that if i dropped my bmi to like 19 or 20 i'll be happier...

the nokia life is fine. i haven't missed a connected iphone too much. there's wifi most anywhere anyways. and having a nokia gets me out of replying to texts

sold a box of ten new cassette taped from japan for fifty within twenty minutes of posting the ebay listing... shoudl've asked for more...

last week i hung out with elora. it was a very last minute thing, since i was expecting to go to austin that thursday before having to cancel the morning of (which might have actually been a good thing). i guess we were just gonna read cause she said something about doing things in parallel. i forget the phrase, but it made sense. same thing as how the only time i put effort into 'making music' is when i'm with more people doing that. but she got a flat right as we were meeting up. i said i could 'maybe' fix it in order to seem more, idk, relatable? like do i know how to put a spare tire on? yes, i've done it and have seen it done. but i added the maybe to kind of cover for me in case i looked dumb... either way she took it as a sign that i don't know and had some other guy come do it. which was totally fine. i'm happy to let a white guy put in all the effort. figured this would be as far as our hang would go, but we went to this bar called poison girl after. i had a green tea shot for the first time. tried reading outside but the mosquitos were vicious. got banh mis at one point. overall it was fun. i think that, if there's one thing that i have somehwat improved on over the past year, it's just being better at hanging out with people

which reminds me that part of what made me spiral earlier was that i was coming to the conclusion that me being nice has been at the root of a lot of my inconveniences. and i don't want to make that connection. i've been relatively happier ever since i've dropped most of the negativity i harbored as a teen. i guess i do need to draw a line bweteen kindness and complacency, but that's the thing, there's a line, they're not the same. so i shoudn't see me being nice as something that i should stop if i want to improve my immediate situations. in fact, i often feel like i could be more vocal about my appreciation for things and people... but that's another post probably

still feel like selling a lot of my posessions but thats too mcuh work. wish i could just list them and give them to people and they could like l eave a tip or donation in exchange... whatever... i just want less stuff right now

gonna 'soft-launch' the website i made for my friend here

domeheadeyes.com

the computer has been fine. thought it was overheating a bit yesterday, but i was being paranoid. it ususlly does that if i have the external monitor/keyboard/hard drive plugged in. but now i'm paranoid that the trackpad isn't giving the usual haptic feedback

went to the shop to see if they could change my tire. the main guy was hesitent to agree since i installed some foot pegs that prevented the lock nut from fully screwing on. has a few threads hanging off the end of the axle. told him it'd been like that for three-thousand miles without issue. he told the other guy he brought for a second opinion that i want to keep them. "cause you never know if jennifer aniston wants to ride on his cub", he said, which was very funny. human interactions are fun. maybe i'm just starved from being at home all week and only ever talking to customers and coworkers on weekends. i don't know. was generally pleasant experience, even if i didn't get my tire changed

ariel finally got the gift i sent him weeks ago. the diptyque candle. he was surprised that i 'knew' he like those, but i dind't actually know, i just figured he would. he comes off as someone who enjoys luxuries, and those candles are definitely a small luxury. plus, i liked the smell of some of their perfumes and had been meaning to go. didn't tell him that was the day i lost my wallet

the amusing part is that he replied after i had swapped the sim from my iphone to my new nokia, so half that conversation is in imessage and the other is now on this tiny phone. seems like conversations are gonna fragment a fair amount from here on out. as someone who is used to not deleting messages and having a large archive of them, this is gonna ruin that. i'm coming to terms with that. i understand that i rarely reference my old text messages. it's just comforting to know it's all there in the case that i do want to go back. i'm sure there will be more issues, but i can see myself sticking to this for the month, if not more. tho, have yet to go out with this setup so that may change my opinion. struggling to get info or go somewhere. need to download more music now

jammed my left foot's toes yesterday trying to drop in at the skate park. still hurts

spilled coffee on my 'new' (got it in march) laptop yesterday... jfc..

did have that 'studio' night with kaijah and eve. it was fun. showed up a little after eight p.m. didnt think he was home so i walked around a bit. realized that my airpod was missing and tried to retrace my steps to find it. turned out it was in the helmet, held by the label. was the second time i almost lost something yesterday. first time was with this small screw that holds the chianguard on my bike. found it in the grass

eve brought a drum machine. didn't use it much. lamented the unplugging of the pocket-operator. was very funny to be using that in tandem with muich bigger and more capable hardware. i need to look into how to actually use the minilogue. i'm just twisting nobs hoping to land at a good sound. had a few tracks going. not sure how many were recorded. the best one was this nine-minute one, recorded it on voice memos. might upload it somewhere. would have to cut it and edit a bit. just simple fade-in, fade-out to not have it be as jarring

i ordered us a pizza and a blue cheese dipping. got the cinnamon twists and icing. we were a beer or two in when that got there. eve dipped her pizza in the icing thinking it was the cheese. we went on a beer run after. laughed at the gas station-brand viagara. came in a vial like a popper, but had a swole donkey and was called 'el burro'. played mario kart since i finally brought back kaijah's gamecube. his ex changed his adobe login info as a way to spite him almost three months after they broke up. weird for someone who's whole brand was, like, spiritual, crystals, astrology, tarot, whatever to be putting out bad vibes like that

insurance company is being annoying about receiving the pictures of the damages on my bike. i just want this to be over with

i was lazy and left my first ferment for two weeks instead of one. now this batch of kombuchas is more sour than i'm used to. still drinkable just not in the soda-esque way of my usual ones. need to brew the next batch but i'm still too lazy to do that

had to uninstall and reinstall lighroom on my phone in order to get it to stop uploading camera roll pics

bought my nokia. gets here tomorrow. wanted a white one but settled for the teal

i'm actually happy i bought jon lindsey's 'body high'. it was the first book this year that left me annoyed when i had to put it down. an easy read that marches forward the entire time. his prose isn't anything too spectacular, but it's not weak either. it suffices. i recommend this one for sure

god i never want to have to connect apis again. this sucks. can't seem toi figure out why it won't display the data that i need it to. at least i'm halfway done with this

alejandro said i can visit him in austin. he said the week after next, but that was last week, so the week in question should be this upcoming one. i want to. it's been a while since i was out there. plus i'm losing my mind just being in houston for two months straight. i know i have my amtrak trip waiting for me, but thats in october. i want to ride my bike out there, but considering how that went when i drove to brenham, i know i'll need at least four hours to get there comfortably. on top of that, the rear tire looking kinda thin now. have another but would need to get that installed. i have the time to prepare, but do i have the energy?

i bought the weird cr5 battery that the canon sure shot ace takes. gonna shoot it this week hopefully. the ir remote still works, so glad i didn't bother buying the batteries for that one. it's weird cause a few reviews of this camera say it's cool, but nothing spectacular. and the listing for one on catlabs labels it a 't-4 killer' and claims it has a reallly nice lens. not sure who to beleive. i'll probably run an expired roll through it. just need to give it plenty of light, since the exposure is set by rx-code and i can't manually adjust it. or i could shoot a good roll to see if the lens really is good or not. idk. might just need more film too...

hoping to have another music night with kaijah and eve again today. was gonna ask j to skate, but it's hot and this came up first