ok so i actually leave for pennsylvania tomorrow, which means i have to get everything off my computer between now and tomorrow night. i thought i had more time. i also wanted to play tennis and/or go to some bike thing tomorrow, but won't be able to. bike thing is in the evening and the tennis would have been in the morning but diego can't make it. he offered to do something this weekend, but as mentioned, i will be in pennsylvania. i suppose i could ask someone else to play tennis but its fine. i'll take the time to get a tennis outfit or something. i also wanted to skate with j thursday, but can't do that either

took my playstation to hopefully get it fixed. they said that the issue it has ends in one of two ways: it works and the fee will be ~one hundred dollars or it can't be fixed and there is a ~thirty-five dollar consultation charge. manifesting the first outcome. will see it next week

i saw las cataratas de iguazu last year. it was surreal. now i'm gonna see niagara falls. was told that i should've seen them first cause nothing will compare to iguazu anymore. i hope that's not entirely true. while i don't expect niagara to be anything too crazy, i do hope to just be mesmerized by it for a while. that the best outcome

tried to recreate this hammer and sickle, hold up i think theres a name i have to google it, a hammer and sickle crucifix that evo morales gave to pope francis at some point. saw it in an image a friend sent and wanted to remake it as close to the original, but had issues with finding the right wood, and being able to cut it, both without spending real money, so i opted for lighter materials that allowed me to get the shapes right at the expense of structural integrity and thickness. i reinforced it, so it'll hold the jesus that i have to get from areli so long as it's a plastic one. if it's metal, if it's not heavy, it should be fine too. though i am under the assumption that it will be similar to a little trophy person, those gold-colored plastic figures. could glue but i was thinking a gold wire would be better. tbh can do both. i'll see tomorrow

man i've been listening to some youtube videos of this dude, timcast, and it's like, breaking my brain how bad they are. i don't know why i keep clicking on them. maybe i want to expose myself to the kinds of arguments these people make, but they're so inconsistent and then the comments are a bunch of idiots who clearly watch people like ben shapiro or steven crowder. i'm trying to remember an argument they made. they said that men are forced by society to be 'nice' and then argued that nice men finish last. and it's because they have to pretend to be nice and when that's not enough, then they get mad or something, which means that they were never 'nice guys' then. like if you're acting to try and get with someone, then you have to know you're not what you say you are. then there's one about a shooting in austin recently. that the driver who shot and killed a protestor did it because the protestor was threatening them and it was in self-defense. look, i'll play along with the self-defense argument, but they painted it as the protestor being irrational for having a gun on him at a protest. which like, right-wingers do that all the time, so it's not ridiculous for a lefty to do the same. either they both are or aren't. and then to say that the driver was threatened first, because the protestor has a gun and that is an inherent threat, ignores the reality of what driving up to and honking at protestors has meant for a while now. protestors have been getting run over by conservatives and police for a while now. that one incident in virginia, the countless ones from new york, its like, you have to know that driving towards and honking at protestors in an aggressive manner is in itself a threat. so the guy responding by going up to the vehicle with his self-defense item, the rifle, is not the the first act of aggression here. the driver knew what he was doing. if he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he could've just waited. or turned around. it's ridiculous that these people see themselves are victims. because, if we're honest here, no one is in the right here. each side will victimize themselves, but to justify the murder of the dude and essentially gloat that he had it coming is wrong. and it breaks my head that people like this exist and just echo chamber each other like how their liberal counterparts do. i just need to log off

which, on that note, im realizing how little i need instagram. i haven't really missed scrolling or posting. like sure i'll be bored and wish i had something as instantly gratifying as ig, but i don't feel that i'm missing out. the one use for it i have found is that sometimes i want to look up a page on there but don't want to log in. so i'll do it through safari, but then i can only look at a couple posts before it prompts me to log in. i could use the burner i have, but i like to keep that as separated from the algorithm as possible. it's compromised in that i put my phone number once and now it recommends contacts even though i took it off. i'm hoping to do the same with twitter soon, or atleast by the end of the year. that the ideal. the goal

the worst part about following people on twitter because you know them, as opposed to following people based off their posts, means the already fractured, minimal sense of curating your timeline is diminished even more. like, not even gonna start with..., i mean just like, i know people but not that well so following seems like something i should do but then i regret it cause the content they share i don't really care to look at. i know i can just close the app, and i do that, but the mindless scrolling gets more mindless as the content is less and less self-curated. and for people i'm freinds with i can make the sacrfice, but for people who i've met a handful of times, idk, just seems masochistic on my end to not unfollow or at least mute

this isn't really that big of an issue in the grand scheme of things. i just wanted something to get the blogging ball rolling

i have my ollie down for the most part. well the still one. the rolling one, my pop needs work, but i should have it soon as well. i noticed that one of my wheels is a bit smaller than the rest. the color is different, so the size difference isn't too surprising, but i wonder if it affects the board in any significant way

i've been taking nine-mg of melatonin to help me sleep before six a.m. for a few days now. makes dreams more intense. like, i'll remember them more in the morning. i'll still forget them by the end of the day, but it does feel like i'm dreaming more

i have to roadtrip to pennsylvania again this week. i'm fine with that. looking forward to it actually. we might stop by niagara falls on the way to our destination. there's a chance we do it on the way back. not sure yet. even if i don't, i still want to get out of the house again

i started reading 'how to hide an empire' today. i got about fifty pages in. it's fine so far. i've had this since last august or september. is was a gift from the department at school. i might have more to say about it another day

i'm making a list of all the things i take a stance against. a, 'things im anti' list. have the basics like anti-imperialist, anti-america, but also more lighthearted ones like anti-soy milk and anti-rounding your height up. it's a list that will grow as i find myself in situations where i feel i have to take a stance on something

i finaly sold those tie-dye pants on depop. i don't want to get too specific with it, but i dropped the price on them a bit as a like, thanks for buying these thing. what i didn't realize was just how much depop takes from me. i got about half of what they paid after the shipping cost and the service fee. still, it's the only income i've had in weeks. gonna mail it out tomorrow

oh right, i tried to make choripan and chimichurri yesterday. it came out fine. not as good as i remember them. it was my first attempt anyways so i wasn't too bothered

suddenly, i have a feeling that everything i typed on here is 'pointless' and that i should delete it. will take that as a sign to just turn my computer off and go to bed

ok so i called, like i said i would, and they told me they'll make their decision by wednesday. obviously, i hope that they approve me. i don't expect to use it for too long. really just want until this extra cares money ends. im gonna continue manifesting it

one thing that i wasn't expecting, which i guess shows how little i know about labor/employee distinctions is that i was technically a 'seasonal' employee all these years. it makes sense in retrospect, but i didn't consider it. i just assumed i was on a, like, hiatus, or something. they read what my boss said, which is essentially my argument. that i would have worked again in may, had they reopened and stuff. i hope my boss wasn't annoyed by me applying for unemployment. i mean, we've been on good terms all these years, so i don't think she would be, but, idk, maybe cause i didn't give a heads up, there's a chance that could've been annoying. don't think so tho

these past few days, maybe even week, i haven't gotten good sleep. before it was just me schedule that was off, but now i'm just not getting the whole seven or eight hours. this may be why i've only been eating one meal a day. and when i eat that meal (it's large cause its the only one) i knock out for a minimum three hours after. i wake up gross and thirsty. it's getting to the point where i might as well just fast all day if eating is gonna make me go to sleep

i've switched back to using edge instead of chrome. i had to manually update edge by looking up the download link online, but since then, it's been a lot better. there aren't the same scaling issues it had before when using gmail or youtube or blogger. this is what caused me to switch entirely to chrome. but it imported everything quickly. and it uses a lot fewer resources (cpu and ram) which means my laptop doesn't get as hot and keeps up better. this computer's not that old, but given its history, anything i can do to alleviate hardware usage will help preserve it. i also opened it up and cleaned out as much of the dust and dirt that had accumulated in it over the years. fan doesn't sound as rough, and now spins up less cause of edge. don't see a reason to switch back for mopre than the occasional use

i was thinking about how gofundme is being used now as opposed to a few years ago, or even last year. i mean, ultimately its purpose is the same, but i've noticed an increasing trend in descriptors/adjectives on respective gofundme campaign pages, specifically those of a person. before they were titled 'help me pay for unexpected hospital bill' or 'help me finish this semesters tuition so i can enroll in classes' which are clear and concise. the about section would expand on that. now, though, the ones i have been seeing read more like 'help this gay latinx low-income person afford a new computer' or anything really. which to me comes off as people moving that information (ethnicity, orientation, financial class) from the bio to the title in a bid to help them get a leg up on others. that by putting it here, it will increase their chances to get funded. which, i get. like, you want to reach your goal and if this helps, then why would you not try it. but, to me, it increasingly feels like a sort of race to the bottom. where if you can add more marginalized identities to your gofundme, you'll get your goal over other people that don't do that. almost like guilt-tripping people into picking yours over another. but, as i said, most of that is whatever. i'm not so much condemning it as i am questioning the motive behind that. the one that does make me laugh though, is when they put 'low-income' on there. cause, like, duh, you know? you're on gofundme asking for money cause you can't afford whatever it is. it's implied that you're low-income or don't make enough to cover something, therefore a relative form of low-income at minimum. so that one definitely reads as a grasp at racing towards the bottom. that one, i might as well condemn cause it's silly. still won't though. do whatever. society is an algorithm, and what not

i havent gotten my unemployment. i'm in a sort of limbo. i haven't been denied, but also not approved. i got a call a couple days ago from someone in that department that told me to call them back by the twenty-first. i'll do that first thing tomorrow. maybe not first, but i will do it tomorrow. i've requested twice so ideally i get those and a third one. manifesting these checks right now

went to skate with j the other day. we both took some falls and hurt our left knees. pretty sure they hurt their's worse. nonetheless, i also fell. i'm making progress. i can land a still ollie now. for the most part. next step is a moving one i suppose. it's been about a month. a little less maybe. could have practiced more than just a few times a week but it's ultimately whatever

i have to give my computer to my sister for school. she's starting college and she's going to need one, especially considering the whole pandemic. this means around august twentieth, i won't have a computer anymore. that's going to be annoying. but, i know that my parents aren't in a position to buy her a new, capable one. so it's a sacrifice on my end. all i'm gonna ask of her is to not mess up her freshman year. i did my first semester. my brother did for both. she should be the first to move past that. fingers crossed

i'm like, three beers in and i'm really feeling them. haven't had a real meal all day other than breakfast. i was on maybe two or three hours of sleep and decided to get breakfast from burger king, which was a mistake. fell asleep again after eating my order and then woke up hours later with an upset stomach. this kept me from eating throughout the day. had only carbs, really, in the form of cereal or bread. cookies too. is it dysmorphia (it wants to auto-correct to 'dysphoria' but i don't think that's right) when i look in the mirror and hate how i look? i think im too full. that i need to lose weight again. i'm trying to eat one big meal a day, usually for lunch or early dinner, so as to help lower my total consumption. not sure if it's working

im glad i'm on here again. didn't realize how long it had been

but yeah, i'm hoping to build myself a desktop since i don't intend on moving anytime soon. so i won't need a laptop until next year at the earliest. maybe my parents will help fund this as a thanks for giving up my computer. not counting on it though

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i have to replace the battery on this computer before giving it away since it dies in under two hours now. i'm ordering that tomorrow. i can replace it myself. spent a couple days figuring out how to do it. messed up my computer but only aesthetically. did clean it up a bit from the inside. the fans don't sound like they're struggling as much anymore, which i thought would help the battery life, but it shut down at around fifty-percent on me earlier. so yeah, battery issues for sure

everyday i inch closer to just using my private ig as my new one. still noth quite there yet