strange day, rest in peace, free kennedyjavelin

god this trip starts in less than a week now. i still need to figure out where i'm staying and when for the last ten days of it. amtrak and allstate have both crossed me. i cut my finger with a serrated knife. i need to finish this last roll of film. i wanted tgo use the cinestill before my trip but it may make more sense to not rush it. still have to get through the souoped film, which i thought was in my camera for weeks but actually was not. annoying

the bandaid on my finger makes it annoying to type. i'm thinking of starting a different blog for the trip, but i could aslo just update this. it's not gonna be anything too crazy anyways

feeling a little sad rn. i think it has to do with the chnaging of the seasons. fall starts today. it feels like fall. my last day of class is taking place right now. truly a time for change. have a couple weeks to figure out everything i'm gonna do for the next month. never really talked to anyone in my class, at kleast not anyone i would hang out with outside of it. still have time i suppose but i know myself. gonna buy some more film. gonna try and make myself feel better. biked ~4 miles in fifteen minutes. my tires need air. waiting on donations at the art asylum. nostalgic for pennsylvania

muted my computer during my group's presentation. dont need to hear the video again..

got my new binoculars in the mail last night, took them on their inaugural birdwatching endeavor today. figured i could bike to work, take care of something there, then birdwatch after. eneded up taking a path that i knew monk parakeets lived on. saw those dudes. took a picture and posted it online. then as i was about to make it to the art asylum i noticed a few birds, one of which had caught my attention due to some red plumage. figured it was probably a red-winged blackbird, but stopped anyway. they were kind of hidden in a shrub, or short tree i don't know. the fist bird i saw was a starling, but since those don't have red feathers, i kept waiting for the other to show up. quickly realized it was probably a red-vented bul-bul, which i had heard about a few days earlier. there's a feral population here, but theyre native to south asia. i had planned to find one as soon as possible, but i wasn't expecting to find it that fast. funny enough, when i tried to bird later in the evening i saw almost nothing. so this was the last opportunity i had to see something and i saw what i was looking for

i finally tried to develop a color roll with caffenol. it didn't work. the roll had no images, but i'm not entirely convinced that was the fault of the chemicals. of course it could be, but when i was shooting it, i came across an issue. the frame counter kept going past twenty-four, which is what the film said it had. even went past thirty-six. and when i rewound i dont think i felt that tension release. so i fear thaty i never shot anything to begin with. that somehow it came off the sprocket, and every picture i thought i took never happened. so the developers had nothing to develop. and i think this may be the case because there was a color difference in where the leader of the film that is exposed to full light and the parts that would have been shot. looked as though even if there were images they would have sucked regardless. i would try again but shooting for the purpose of potentiallly losing them is tedious, ironically enough, and it is a waste of chemicals, since i would not want to reuse the stop and fix knowing they could contaminate the rest of it with c41 film stuff that theyre not made for. so probably won't do it, but the option is always there

booked all the places i need for the first half of my train trip, but i'm too embarrassed to ask ppl in ny and philly if i can crash on their couch... i shouldn't be, but still

i'm a week out from finishing my coding school thing. only ever told a few people i was doing this. i am a few weeks out from my amtrak trip. thought i came across an issue regarding how long i actually had to use my rail pass. but i biked over to the station and asked in person after not hearing back from the oniline message i left them. they said i should be fine once i take the first trip. which is what i assumed but wanted to double check in order to avoid scheduling issues

i finally modded my keyboard a bit after cocnluding that i would not be replacing it. the backlight has been giving me issues, and after accepting a refund for the backlight add-on from the manufacturer, i opened it up and put the foam sheet from the shippng packaging below the pcb. i'm not sure how much that alone helped, since i also added painters tape to the underside of the pcb. in theory, the tape reflects some of the noise, and the foam absorbs the remainder. it was empty inside, so that explained the hollow sounds. it was just bouncing around in there. it definitely feels heavier. and the sound is different. it's still not where i want it to be, but i think a lot of the remainder has to do with the switches themselves. a bit rattle-y, so lubing them would still be needed, but also feels like overkill on a sub-fifty dollar keyboard. looks like a tedious task. popular keyboard youtuber stated it takes minimum five hours...

i hate when i accidentally leave my mic on in the zoom chat. it's embarassing because i can never remember if whatever deranged thoughts crossed through my head were vocalized or stayed in my mind. like did i say the thoughts that i had? and if so, was it loud enough to be picked up? or was it like a whisper under my breath? i'm at the mercy of the forgiveness of the otheres in my call. what did they hear? i know they heard this dumb video about modding a keyboard, that's fine. kinda funny. but did they hear my thoughts on what i was looking at on twitter? i don't know.. maybe it's better that i never know.. could make it worse, the embarassment

had a manic episode today. maybe that's not the right word for it. all i know is i got very overwhelmed with how everything has seemingly gone against me for a good part of this year, if not the whole year. this summer especially. seems like some misfortunate thing happens to me every other week. all set me back financially and emotionally

today i cried again for the first time in a while. it wasn't due to frustration, though im sure that played a part. i was about to head out on a bike ride to where my developing chemicals are at. was gonna develop a roll and print a label. before leaving i'm in the kitchen drinking water. i look over thet kitchen bar and see my dad is watching tv. i notice the lamps and mist machine for the chameleon cage are on. there was a chameleon there for about a year, up until a couple weeks ago when it got sick out of nowhere and didn't make it to the vet appointment we set for the earliest slot available. but here he is with the light and mist machine on. and inside i spot this plastic toy chameleon that we've had forever. and i get prfoundly sad. overwhelmingly. and i leave for my ride

of course i forget the keys to the place. mistook them for the keys to my house. so the ride doesn't accomplish everythign i set out to do. but that's fine. it took my mind off things

a few years ago there was a while where i felt the world was against me. and when i look back at that, i wonder why i thought that. clearly it was an overreaction. but, increasingly, that feeling is coming back. i feel trapped at times. and i figure that a few years from now i'll look back and think the same that i do about teenage me. but knowing, or assumeing to know, this doesn't make me feel any better about now

i sold out and made a linkedin. i hope it's worth it

i'm thinking that if i dropped my bmi to like 19 or 20 i'll be happier...

the nokia life is fine. i haven't missed a connected iphone too much. there's wifi most anywhere anyways. and having a nokia gets me out of replying to texts

sold a box of ten new cassette taped from japan for fifty within twenty minutes of posting the ebay listing... shoudl've asked for more...

last week i hung out with elora. it was a very last minute thing, since i was expecting to go to austin that thursday before having to cancel the morning of (which might have actually been a good thing). i guess we were just gonna read cause she said something about doing things in parallel. i forget the phrase, but it made sense. same thing as how the only time i put effort into 'making music' is when i'm with more people doing that. but she got a flat right as we were meeting up. i said i could 'maybe' fix it in order to seem more, idk, relatable? like do i know how to put a spare tire on? yes, i've done it and have seen it done. but i added the maybe to kind of cover for me in case i looked dumb... either way she took it as a sign that i don't know and had some other guy come do it. which was totally fine. i'm happy to let a white guy put in all the effort. figured this would be as far as our hang would go, but we went to this bar called poison girl after. i had a green tea shot for the first time. tried reading outside but the mosquitos were vicious. got banh mis at one point. overall it was fun. i think that, if there's one thing that i have somehwat improved on over the past year, it's just being better at hanging out with people

which reminds me that part of what made me spiral earlier was that i was coming to the conclusion that me being nice has been at the root of a lot of my inconveniences. and i don't want to make that connection. i've been relatively happier ever since i've dropped most of the negativity i harbored as a teen. i guess i do need to draw a line bweteen kindness and complacency, but that's the thing, there's a line, they're not the same. so i shoudn't see me being nice as something that i should stop if i want to improve my immediate situations. in fact, i often feel like i could be more vocal about my appreciation for things and people... but that's another post probably

still feel like selling a lot of my posessions but thats too mcuh work. wish i could just list them and give them to people and they could like l eave a tip or donation in exchange... whatever... i just want less stuff right now

gonna 'soft-launch' the website i made for my friend here

domeheadeyes.com

the computer has been fine. thought it was overheating a bit yesterday, but i was being paranoid. it ususlly does that if i have the external monitor/keyboard/hard drive plugged in. but now i'm paranoid that the trackpad isn't giving the usual haptic feedback

went to the shop to see if they could change my tire. the main guy was hesitent to agree since i installed some foot pegs that prevented the lock nut from fully screwing on. has a few threads hanging off the end of the axle. told him it'd been like that for three-thousand miles without issue. he told the other guy he brought for a second opinion that i want to keep them. "cause you never know if jennifer aniston wants to ride on his cub", he said, which was very funny. human interactions are fun. maybe i'm just starved from being at home all week and only ever talking to customers and coworkers on weekends. i don't know. was generally pleasant experience, even if i didn't get my tire changed

ariel finally got the gift i sent him weeks ago. the diptyque candle. he was surprised that i 'knew' he like those, but i dind't actually know, i just figured he would. he comes off as someone who enjoys luxuries, and those candles are definitely a small luxury. plus, i liked the smell of some of their perfumes and had been meaning to go. didn't tell him that was the day i lost my wallet

the amusing part is that he replied after i had swapped the sim from my iphone to my new nokia, so half that conversation is in imessage and the other is now on this tiny phone. seems like conversations are gonna fragment a fair amount from here on out. as someone who is used to not deleting messages and having a large archive of them, this is gonna ruin that. i'm coming to terms with that. i understand that i rarely reference my old text messages. it's just comforting to know it's all there in the case that i do want to go back. i'm sure there will be more issues, but i can see myself sticking to this for the month, if not more. tho, have yet to go out with this setup so that may change my opinion. struggling to get info or go somewhere. need to download more music now

jammed my left foot's toes yesterday trying to drop in at the skate park. still hurts

spilled coffee on my 'new' (got it in march) laptop yesterday... jfc..

did have that 'studio' night with kaijah and eve. it was fun. showed up a little after eight p.m. didnt think he was home so i walked around a bit. realized that my airpod was missing and tried to retrace my steps to find it. turned out it was in the helmet, held by the label. was the second time i almost lost something yesterday. first time was with this small screw that holds the chianguard on my bike. found it in the grass

eve brought a drum machine. didn't use it much. lamented the unplugging of the pocket-operator. was very funny to be using that in tandem with muich bigger and more capable hardware. i need to look into how to actually use the minilogue. i'm just twisting nobs hoping to land at a good sound. had a few tracks going. not sure how many were recorded. the best one was this nine-minute one, recorded it on voice memos. might upload it somewhere. would have to cut it and edit a bit. just simple fade-in, fade-out to not have it be as jarring

i ordered us a pizza and a blue cheese dipping. got the cinnamon twists and icing. we were a beer or two in when that got there. eve dipped her pizza in the icing thinking it was the cheese. we went on a beer run after. laughed at the gas station-brand viagara. came in a vial like a popper, but had a swole donkey and was called 'el burro'. played mario kart since i finally brought back kaijah's gamecube. his ex changed his adobe login info as a way to spite him almost three months after they broke up. weird for someone who's whole brand was, like, spiritual, crystals, astrology, tarot, whatever to be putting out bad vibes like that

insurance company is being annoying about receiving the pictures of the damages on my bike. i just want this to be over with

i was lazy and left my first ferment for two weeks instead of one. now this batch of kombuchas is more sour than i'm used to. still drinkable just not in the soda-esque way of my usual ones. need to brew the next batch but i'm still too lazy to do that

had to uninstall and reinstall lighroom on my phone in order to get it to stop uploading camera roll pics

bought my nokia. gets here tomorrow. wanted a white one but settled for the teal

i'm actually happy i bought jon lindsey's 'body high'. it was the first book this year that left me annoyed when i had to put it down. an easy read that marches forward the entire time. his prose isn't anything too spectacular, but it's not weak either. it suffices. i recommend this one for sure

god i never want to have to connect apis again. this sucks. can't seem toi figure out why it won't display the data that i need it to. at least i'm halfway done with this

alejandro said i can visit him in austin. he said the week after next, but that was last week, so the week in question should be this upcoming one. i want to. it's been a while since i was out there. plus i'm losing my mind just being in houston for two months straight. i know i have my amtrak trip waiting for me, but thats in october. i want to ride my bike out there, but considering how that went when i drove to brenham, i know i'll need at least four hours to get there comfortably. on top of that, the rear tire looking kinda thin now. have another but would need to get that installed. i have the time to prepare, but do i have the energy?

i bought the weird cr5 battery that the canon sure shot ace takes. gonna shoot it this week hopefully. the ir remote still works, so glad i didn't bother buying the batteries for that one. it's weird cause a few reviews of this camera say it's cool, but nothing spectacular. and the listing for one on catlabs labels it a 't-4 killer' and claims it has a reallly nice lens. not sure who to beleive. i'll probably run an expired roll through it. just need to give it plenty of light, since the exposure is set by rx-code and i can't manually adjust it. or i could shoot a good roll to see if the lens really is good or not. idk. might just need more film too...

hoping to have another music night with kaijah and eve again today. was gonna ask j to skate, but it's hot and this came up first

yesterday morning i walked into the living room and the tv program said it was peru's day of independence. i didn't bother looking up if it was true, but i decided to get some sort of peruvian food that day. last time i had peruvian was in buenos aires on my birthday. or a day before/after. but it was a birthday meal for all intents. had some sort of rabbit i think. various fish and mariscos as well. tried leche de tigre, which the instructor that was treating us to dinner said din't contain lime, though it had that taste. maybe he said it doesnt traditionally contain lime, cause all the recipes i see online call for it. remember trying to explaion leche de tigre to my friends ex, who's parents are peruvian, but i kept calling it 'ojo de tigre' which was wrong. thats an orange and black stone. realized after i googled it

travelled about twenty-five minutes to get to the nearest peruvian food place. it was small. didn't recognize anything on the menu. had gone with the intention to get ceviche but i opted to try something new. ordered a pasta huaincana con lomo and to drink a cup of chicha morada. the chica had a similar look to agua de jamaica, but tasted sweeter, more fruity. probably due to the apple in it. i liked it. the pasta, i'm not sure how peruvian it was. it didn't look all that special but who knows. it was good still. may go again

before heading home i stopped by the argentine place that was a few doors down. after deliberating over which empanadas to get, a decision made harder by having just ate, i got a meat and a cheese/onion. saw that there was fugazzeta on the menu, which i had been wanting to have again for a while. maybe next time, but glad to know i don't have to make it myself

browser update changed the url-bar text size again. after i got used to the smaller one...

the depop sale notification sound, that register ring one, it's horrible

i have to pee

i want to make a website for someone. but like, don't really want to do it to thier specs, more so just want to practice different desgins/layouts with a vague purpose, but to my liking, with some input on changes needed, if that makes sense.. doin't really want to ask anyone yet though and don't have a project of my own that i want to make a webpage for. i guess i could work on a new version of the one i have, a redesign, but i feel like i'd rather start with something new that i won't have a reference for. don't know

im trying to document more of my life on film. not necessarily as an art project, but a personal documnentary thing. i shot one roll in june. on roll two of july. i think thats a good amount. two. could make it to three but doubt it. i want to compile the images in a book at the end of the year. a physical archive. and then continue to do that every year from here on out. i suppose i could include iphone photos in it, but i might not. don't think its an adversion do digital, cause i am receptive to the idea of incorporating point and shoot shots. think the requirement might just be a dedicated camera. there's something to be said about picking up a device that's sole purpose is to take a picture. harkens back to a different era as well, if i stay with that limit. i've got a decent amount of photos from before june, but since its only recently that pandemic restrictions have been lifted and i've engaged with going out more most of those lack a true 'personal expeirences' feel to them. all good though. still have half a year to take more. want to get an instax tho, like a mini. im sure i can find a cheap one online. and a proper scanner

june was a bad month. not that anything devastating happened, but just two incidents kinda soured it for me. i got rearended on my bike. the damage is minor but it's still something that i have to worry about now. and the guy is being difficult. he didn't want to go through insurance so i gave him the option of paying me what i was quoted for the damages. he tried to pull a fast one and have his friend source the parts, but i stopped that and told him to either do the estimate or insurance. if he doesn't get back to me by like firday morning, i'm filing that claim

i also lost my wallet. didn't have anything too important in there. thirty dollars in cash, library card, metro card, healthcare card, id, and a credit card. noticed within an hour of when i last saw it but no clue where it coudl've been dropped. wasn't at the shop i pulled it out. that shop was in one of the most cursed parts of town i'd ever had the misfortune of being in. it was like a fake shopping district full of luxury brands behind a target. felt so out of place and was grossed out by the people there. i knew it was cursed but i didn't expect to lose my wallet cause of it. already replacing stuff. this sucks

i did buy an amtrak rail pass that i intend to use some time in october. current vague itenerary is to ride out west to la, up to sf, over to chicago (maybe stop in slc), on to nyc, then home again. depending on where i decide to stop, i could fit in a trip to boston or the pnw. not sure if either are particularly worth it. maybe the pnw. i think i want to be in philly for a little, but that's easy. woudl just be a bus from nyc. regardless, plenty of time to think about it and get times right

i have got to get out of texas

i seem to have pretty strong opinions about which establishments in the city are not worth the time and energy being in. like, definitley have a strong distaste for a lot of the trendy bars i come across, but they deserve it. they're tacky and i would never willingly choose to go to one unless i had some ulterior motive that would be advanced by me going. like cidercade. jfc i would never go there for personal fun. some i have to draw a hard line on, like the present company. can't associate with anyone that goes there willingly. maybe i'm just a hater, don't care

went to some 'rave' on saturday. it was fun. saw some people i'd seen before, mostly tangentially, but one was a friend's sister so talked to her a bit. also briefly stopped this other person to be like, 'oh were you at this thing a few weeks ago?' and then say nothing else cause i had nothing else i wanted to talk about. just like confirming how good my facial recognition abilities are. knocked back beers. got drunk. drove home when i was feeling fine, but who knows. it never got quite as crowded as i initially thought it would. they had an open bar out of a uhaul truck. my gin and tonic was kinda gross. they played quince music for a bit. was kinda hungover the next day. not in a "i feel ill" way but more of a mental state...

need to stop listening to '4am' by kaskade...

not sure if i put it on here but last month, may, at the beginning i decided that i was going to try doing different things, all some sort of outlet. i wanted to make kombucha, vinegar, cyanotypes, patched, and go to utah

i went to utah in the second week. i saw ariel and hung out with him for the first time in years. i had seen him during covid, last may, when dropping something off to him before heading home from grabbing my stuff from college. i don't think we did nearly as much as i had envisioned, but that didn't matter much to me. we ate good. saw the salt flats. got his car's oil changed. saw bryce canyon. went to a dispensary in vegas. that's a lot for ~four days.

i'll write up more details later

i'm going to pick up a bass amp this week. possibly today. a friend is lending me her bass and i'm going to learn to play a few songs before my birthday one month from now

being gaslit by my keyboard. the 'p' and 'k' backlights went out for two days and the 'k' came back last night and not the 'p' came back today as well. after i've already contacted the manufacturer about it. got evidence before the 'p' came back so i'll still send them that...

i finally bought topo chico hard seltzer earlier this week. i've tried three of the four flavors. so far, mango is my fav, followed by lemon and strawberry guava. the strawberry one is the worst so far. has an almost medicinal feel to it. all of them are topo chico in name only, that is, they don't taste like topo chico at all. maybe the the different crest (lion on the hard seltzer, an aztec person on the normal) alludes to it being made differently, outside of the obvious alcohol-related changes. it's less bubbly. topo's signature feel is a lot of bubbles. thats not here. so while i have enjoyed them more than, say, cacti, i'm not sure i will be buying them that frequently just for myself. the feel just isn't there

i drove out to the beltway to watch 'scott pilgrim vs the world' in theatres. i didn't see it when it was released back in 2010, so when i heard they were bringing it back for the ten-year anniversary (jfc ten years?) i knew i had to go. would have liked to see it with someone, but i couldn't think of anyone to invite that would want to and that i would want to with, so i went by myself. it was fun. for a while, i thought it was funny that i hadn't gone to see a movie in years. or that i would do it once a year. the last one i saw was 'uncut gems'. and before that.. 'joker'.. and 'once upn a time in hollywood' before then. anyway, i'm going to try to make it to more now. way more fun than watching in my room. i liked how the whole place seemed to rumble in the louder scenes. weird to see that after all this time, i'm the same age as the characters in it though...

i have decided to do some cyanotype prints this month. going to do a few on paper, but main plan is to do them on canvas so that i can have them as patches for totes and other stuff. also planning on doing iron on regular black and white patches on canvas. basically, i want to personalize more of my stuff to give them a distinc value tailored by me. i tried to do a quick print on just paper, but since the sun was setting, my impatience led me to rush it. the sun hit at an angle and didn't quite expose the negatives proprarly. i realized it might be an issue and tried to correct it, and there was a difference, but i didn't give it enough time. the prints ended up mostly blank with some blotches resembling the image. might bring it to work and try again there? worst case i don't get around to it and carried some paper around

bought plastice jackets for my record. now theyre fully protected even though i don't play them as much as i used to

one of my coworkers quit recently because she got in a fight with my other coworker. she kept showing up many hours late to work and wouldnt give us a headsup. he got fed up with it. she would also mess with one of the cats to the point where it would hiss and even yowl? i think thats the term for that deep, drawn out sound they make. he called her a cat abuser and i don't know, i wasn't there to listen to all of it. ultimately she quit cause she didn't want that work environment anymore. i was gonna ask her for help with sewing stuff.. guess i'll have to figure it out on my own

i reached the two thousand mile mark on my honda. faster than i expected but it's fine. i am looking at a potential new bike though. it would be for next year at the earliest, but the husqvarna vitpilen 401 is the only thing on my heirarchy of needs pyramid right now. that and the red wings postman boots, but since those are impossible to find, i ordered some solovair monkey boots that should get here this tuesday

its may somehow

making patches for the tote bag i got recently. didnt remember to look for iron on adhesive at work and then found some today after already having bought some at joannes yesterday. i got some transfer paper as well, though it's only three sheets. i thought it said five dollars but they rang up as ten.. and i didnt want to say anything... it's fine though, still cheaper than the other option, though it had more... stil, don't know if i'm going to be making a lot anyways. three should be enough if im efficent with the print layout

not really enjoying this learning to code shit. sucks. i dont want to do anything. this new keybaord is good though. i need to stop spending money. gonna buy those aliexpress crocs later. that will be my last purchase of the week, hopefully. bought a mosu eyesterday and im honetly not happy with it but i think it's too late to return it so i have to stick with it. it tracks slow and is like, jumpy. and itthe buttons don't extend to the end. there's a type of bumper, which i hate the feel of.

on monday i took a trip to brenham on my motorbike. i contemplated not going that morning. my hair was greasy and i didn't wash it the night before. convinced myself that it didn't matter, i'd have a helmet on the entire time, which tunred out to be true, so i left home around eleven a.m. it took me two hours to get to the halfway point, partly because i detoured to put air in my tires. one gripe i have with google maps now is that i will pick a route that avoids highways. and i put my phone in my pocket cause i don't have a mount for it. ten minutes in, when i'm going like forty-five miles per hour, the app will tell me that it found a faster route. and this new route is an opt-out thing, which means unless i pull out my phone and cancel it, it will reroute. which, when on a bike going fity miles an hour, isn't very easy. so it sent me on 290 for around twenty minutes. hated it. i tried to keep my bike as close to sixty miles and hour but it didn't matter. everyone kept passing me. which was funny, sure, but frustrating cause i shouldn't have been in that situation if it weren't for map's weird decision to not even give me the option to disable rerouting

in brenham i ate my lunch. got ice cream at the blue bell place, and walked around the litte downtown they have. wasn't much to do aside from that. tried taking pictures. saw the bluebonnets that were the reason for me to even take the trip. that and blue bell. realized riding to austin and back isn't doable in one day. time-wise sure, but not fatigue wise. relaly put into question my idea of riding to utah in three days. would probably need two weeks off from work or soemthing. would be easier to just fy honestly. even if i dont get to live out my fantasy of riding in the desert. seems like a lot of things could go wrong. wouldn't want to get a flat out there. don't have all the proper tools to fix something like that yet

also, for the past two days i've woken up to find a dead roach body near my desk. i think the first one was on a binder on my desk, and the second one was on the ground to the left. weird stuff. i'm hoping a third one doesn;t show up tomorrow morning. if it does, i'm gonna ask and see if anyone's messing with me. won't vocalize it anymore than i have til then

tuesday was the first time i got drunk to the point of not remebering what happened after a certain point. or drunk in general. but that happened after i had made it back to my hotel to end the night so at least the timing was right. i blame the last cutwater that i drank. though, even before that, the canned sake-thing was probably a tipping point

it was fun though. started by meeting up with diamond and tori in park slope. had vegan food at a place i ate at with diamond my first time in new york, four years ago. we drank cacti, which were dissapointing. i know people who hype it up and say that's all they're drinking this summer, and i feel bad that they're going to do that to themselves. from there we went to a liquor store, bought some cutwaters and the sake thing, and walked over to prospect park. watched the sunset. then convinced diamond to drive me and kim back to manhattan and to get drinks at clandestino, which i had heard about online so i figured might be worth checking out. the bartender was cool. i got an aperol spritz and a negroni. dia was trying to order some kind of cuban rum drinks. bartender helped her out. kim got gin and tonics. tried to get dumplings at one point and walked over to the place but it was closed. remember being back in my room, on the balcony, smoking a cigarette. i hadn't really smoked much in years, but i had a couple that day. one in the morning with a coffee. and one, maybe two that night. dont remember. i threw up at some point between that cigarette and falling asleep. was hungover the next day. mostly just my stomach felt out of wack. then later my head felt heavy so i slept a lot. now, days later, looking back, i'd do it again. i find myself feeling regretful after drinking a lot to the point of not remembering some stuff, but that goes away after a while. then i just remember that it startyed fun, so it makes me look back at it nicer, i guess

went birdwatching at the ramble that monday with emmett. walked over sixteen miles. felt good. ate a lot. i think part of why i like ny so much is that everytime i've been i've never had to worry about, like, responsibilities. it's always been in a vacation-like episode. still though, as i was telling dia while drunk, i would much rather live there than houston. this place is boring, and that was only reinfoced. i dont want to have to drive. i'd give up my little honda if it meant being able to walk places comfortably again

the founder of a publishing house/online lit mag that got me interested in writing passed away today. i'm gonna purchase one of the two books i'd been wanting from them tonight, directly from their site. as a thank you, and rest in peace. maybe i'll even start trying to write again

dropped off a roll of film today, but i really should have done it yesterday. i'll be lucky to get scans back by friday now. i was nearby last night, getting shake shack, but i forgot to grab it as i rushed out to ensure i made it before they closed. i had enough time though...

while at shake shack i thought i recognized someone but i wasn't sure. looked like they were on a date, so i didn't want to stare or anything. figured it wasn't them, but shortly after i got my order and left i got a text from the person i though i saw saying they think they saw me. which was funny. small world and what not. literally in my first few hours being back from new york

yesterday around like four a.m. a friend of mine called me on the phone. i had gone to bed somewhat early the night before, so i was able to wake up when the phone rang. i answered and they asked me whether they should drive to the beach to see the sunset. i was going to ask a follow up question before giving my input but they told me yes or no. i said yes. i also told them it was a sunrise not sunset. they called back a while later and theyre at the beach. i want to say they showed me the ocean, at least what was visible at that twilight hour, before hanging up. called again briefly to say they lost thier car keys. i, remembering a similar story my friend j had told me, suggested they check their pockets. they found them and hung up. got a final call around sunrise. they showed me the waves crashing around them, while on a stone jetty. it was pretty

i thought about it more at work. honeslty felt like a dream. like, to wake up to phone calls and a view of the sunrise at the beach. unexpected

i got a coffee on the house today at the bagel place i go to. i stopped on my way to work, since i was nearby picking up a book from the library. i finally checked out leonard cohen's 'a book of longing'. had it in my amazon cart since late 2016 when he died and i figured i should read his work. forgot about it til someone i follow on ig posted a poem by him. was gonna ask if they've read 'a book of longing' and am glad i didn't cause the poem was from it and i would've had to be like "yeah no i havent read it myself actually" or whatever. anyway, i put it on hold and picked it up today. at the bagel place i ordered a bagel for me and each of my coworkers. when it prompted for the tip i said no tip, since i was gonna leave cash. the cahsier said thank you and turned around. don't think she saw me leave the tip, though. which is why when i was offered the free coffee i figured it was cause there was some leftover and they were closing soon. but i feel they wouldn;t have done that if i hadnt tipped at all? so maybe someone did see... anyways i tried to drive to work with a coffee in one hand but, being on a motorbike, it did not work well. made it two blocks before i had to pull over and drink about half and then toss the rest. got stains on the left side of my shirt. and on my left sock. pants too, but they're black so it didn't matter

got my super eight cartridge in the mail today. looking forward to shooting it in a week's time. also, remembered that there was a reason for me to go back to the camera repair shop yesterday... i was supposed to pick up film from there. i don't know if they still have it. should've sent a dm. i can try tomorrow, but i'll be rushing to get to work in time to open by one p.m. won't really matter if i'm a few minutes late, but i try not to be since i'm the only on there on sundays

why did a significant nukber of the people at moontower have 'i work in marketing' energy? like, i guess i know why. because the place has sold out. but it felt especially worse. possibly cause of the new bar+arcade that opened down the street. which, i know the patrons of it are from the suburbs (anything outside of the loop) cause they were real slow with parking and navigating the street. annoyed me

since the morning the lower left side of my jaw, like the back molars, have been hurting. not a sharp pain. more of a, like, pulsating wave of pain. i'm sure it has something to do with the wisdom tooth that i can't currently afford to get removed. i'm positive theres a cavity in it at this point, and i'd bet thats the source of the pain. it wasn;t there yesterday. took a few advils to help me ignore it, but it's back now, at the forefront of my attention, as i'm typing here... running out the clock before my two a.m. bedtime. i wake up at nine a.m. seven hours. not bad. forgot to apply mostiourizer this morning. just remembered that. did take my vitamins. (which i now pronounce in that english 'vee-tuh-mins' way). forgot those yesterday

i bought a ps5 from diego wednesday night. i was finally able to play 'persona five royal' after almost a year of having that game and nothing to play it on. it felt weird though. like, since i had delayed it for so long, it felt almost wrong to actually play. delayed gratification until i just no longer cared for it. i've logged ~seven hours on it now. this week went by slow

can't seem to get in the right mood to shoot the tlr camera i got. i have enough film for it now. i think it comes down to me wanting a good reason to, and not having that. if anyone wants a portrait let me know

i think i'm gonna leave my slr(s) at home for my trip to nyc. everytime i go out with it i never really take pictures. unless i go out with thte intent to, and even that's shoddy, i don't take it out and shoot as much as i want to. so if that is gonna be an issue in ny, i may as well leave it home and just take my point-n-shoots. i have two, and they both work fine. one looks better but the other is more functional, save for the smaller, less convinient battery. coudl take both, idk

i feel like the forum is slowly dying. i say that cause i have noticed it isn't mopving as fast as it was a month ago, but that's fine. i still enjoy checking it. especially more so than other sites. just wish it didn't track my days visited cause i get self concious about how much time i've spent on there. still, though, better than spending it on, say, twitter. or instagram

the canon i have now has a light leak. it wasnt there when i shot the test roll b+w roll. and it wasn't there when i shot the prefvious fuji roll. but it showed up now. maybe a change in temperatures caused the light seal to contract and break? either way, it's something i have to fix now. i think my olympus has one too. i did a temporary fix on that using electrical tape. but that's a hassle to get on and off. and i suspect it removed a chiop of paint from the backing. can't confirm though

this customer named javier buys a lot of our camera stuff. the other day he bought this minolta lens that i donated. he left it for this girl with blue hair. so when she came up to purchase her stuff, i told her that he left her that lens. but, i'm trying to remember if i called him javier or jonathan. last night when i recounted the experience in my head, my mind went for jonathan. which is wrong. but if that's the first one that came to mind, does that mean it's likely what i said to the girl? she didn't correct me or say his name (i would remember that). if i did confuse his name, i would feel bad cause he remembers mine. but more so, there's a chance that she told him i said the wrong one. which doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things...

ok, after my trip to new york at the end of tyhis month i'm gouing to find a second job. i said this at the beginnign of the year, but i put in on pause in case i wanted to do something vacation-adjacent with anyone. but seeing as nothing will happen, apart from my trip to nyc, i might as well put an end to that wait and just start saving money. i don't want another job. i like my four day wekeends. i feel that it's in my best interest to, though. hate this world

been spending the past couple months frequenting a small online forum. it's based around memes but i like that it branches out into basically any other subject, which is why i check it about every day. up to this point in time, i've enjoyed using it more than twitter or instagram. i like that it feels like i've gotten to know people somewhat, but without the commitment needed of other socials. or even knowing what they look like. or maybe it's that there is an end to the scrolling. since there's no feed, once i get to the bottom of a thread, that's it. time to get off the site

i've pirated a bunch of fonts too thanks to it lol

missed my chance to make a library pick up appointment at the only time that worked for me today by seconds

last year i started using letterboxed as a different way to jot down little blog entries. like what i do here but shorter and more focused on the thoughts i had while watching the movie. i think i'm done doing that. it was fun at first but became a chore for later movies that i didn't care to think too much about after the fact. i may do it here and there this year, but i'm starting off by not

went on my first bike ride in what feels like the year, but after putting in a little more thought, is probably the second. but it still could be the first. i rode for about twelve miles over an hour. simple ride into downtown then by the white oak trail, into washington, through downtown and back home via second ward. nothing too hard. felt heavy pedaling at first but the motions came back to me. this is part of my plan of self-improvement for the week. i've also been sleeping at regualrs hours. been limiting my phone time, etc.

the whole hedge fund and gamestop stock price thing is funny. that's all i'll say on it

i feel like i have to do something different. like that everything has gotten monotnous and i need to take action to steer it away from that direction. though i'm not totally sure what to do to accomplish that. part of this stems from my lack of sleep last night. being more tired than usual has forced me to sit and think about things too much. i've been staring at my phone all day. i think that contributed as well. i'll make a list of things to do and hopefully that will keep me busy. even writing this is hard

i think just going to bed would help a lot with this feeling

i'm also considering a break from socials again. specifically twitter this time, since thats the one i gravitate towards to the most. ig already doesn't feel necessary. don't spend that much time on it anymore, not since my longer break last summer. twitter is where my tiome dissapears. i don't find the screentime warning useful. i need to avoid using it altogether. can't be too hard. gonna make my goal to have my average for this next week under four hours. seemingly impossibel now considering todays is at least eight hours. i don't even want to check

apart from that i suppose i should look for supplementary job. don't want to but i should start integrating myself with the 'real world' once more. the one=year mark of this lifestyle is fast approaching. the breaks been long enough

i'm planning to take my little honda to austin soon. i had intended to do it this next weekend, but schedules gfot rearranged. will probably be the first weekend of february. should be interesting to see if i can get there. and how i feel doing longer-distanced rides

i need to get out on my bike again soon

i'm 'growing out' a 'mustache'

trying to remember what i've done since the last post

realizing that this could be the last year of this blog, if i decide to keep the same lifespan as the last one. i might as well. still have plenty of time to use this

i caught covid, which sucked. luckily it was only my mother and i who caught it. that meant two weeks were wasted doing basically nothing. it didn't get too bad, the virus. i had a slight fever, stuffy nose, and cough for the first few days but that went away by the end of week one. the worst part has been that i haven't been able to taste or smell. taste has come back a bit. i can taste sweet and salty, but savory is still hit or miss. smell is coming back slowly but whenever i take a whiff of the fernet i have, which i know has a strong smell, it doesn't burn my nose. apparently these can last well after covid so i guess i won't be able to smell for a while

i didn't broadcast having caught it to anyone that didnt need to know because, like, who cares. i'm fine. i'll have some sort of immunity for a few months. i did my time, as they say

after waiting the apporpiate amount of time, i have slowly started going out to run errands again. i went to the camera store in the antique market last saturday. met a few people while there. wanted to know how much the mamiya six-four-five was going for. seven-fifty. i was hoping for closer to five hundred. so instead i bought some batteries and listened to this guy, as he put it, 'talk [my] ears off'. one thing, he kept referring to the store owner as 'he' which was wrong i think. pretty sure they use they/them, but they never corrected. maybe i'm worng. or maybe i should've corrected. i don't know

he mentioned his affinity for the nikon f3. i've been noticing it everywhere ever since. and by everywhere i mean in the posession of other photographers. i followed the instagram of his business, but not his personal one. i feel like i don't care to follow people i'm not freinds with... or like, i don't know. i guess i just didn't want to follow him. at least not at that moment

showed my parents the zine i made and they said they liked it. my mom said i should leave copies in a library but i told her the librariers have been closed due to covid. i should've printed more today. i guess i'll have to do that tomorrow

the foot pegs and the seat got here today. while i still have to wait on the rack in order to atatch the seat, i went ahead and put on the foot pegs. it was harder than i had hoped, but not terribly difficult. it was more so just inexperience on my side. hadn't worked on a bike like that before. good practice though. i'm hoping the rack gets here by tuesday. that would be seven days. though it could get here as late as saturday

a couple prominent artists died recently. mf doom's passing was announced a few days ago. i guess he passed in october, but i count it as recent due to no one really knowing until new year's. the other was terrell davis, a digital artists. he pioneered the neo-y2k digital art style. think like slayyyter album cover type of art. he laid the groundwork for that movement. he was my age, too

i guess for this new year, i need to make some general outline of 'resolutions'. not that i find the tradition to be necessary, but it's helpful to write down a list of goals in order to, at the very least, gauge how your priorities and points of view have changed over the course of the year. i'm going to list a few things now. i want to do more 'serious' photography work. i want to make more friends in houston. i want to venture into other forms of art, like maybe paiting or digital stuff. music too. i want to keep avoiding buying new clothes made from synthetic materials. i want to be able to move out of houston, even if i don't. i want to read at least fifty books. i want to own less stuff

i think that's it. there may be more stuff that comes to mind later on, but i'll deal with those thoughts then. i think these are all acheivable. so i should be abel to look back here in twelvve months and cross some out. or all. i hope