felt like i had stuff i wanted to say yesterday but was too tired to write down

my friends had a trivia thing today over zoom and i had intedned to go but when i got home from work i got a slight headache and stomachache so i went to sleep. woke up like five hours later. i guess i was tired, but i don't think i was particularly sleep deprived. i dont know

last night i went on a bike ride with alejandro and diego. i hadn't seen either in a while. i also hadn't ridden my bike for more than four miles in probably a couple months. at least a month. alejandro likes doing these rides with a group that meets on almeda. they're a fun group and the pace of the ride wasn't too bad. i didn't feel like going, but considering alejandro's moving to austin by the end of the week i decided i might as well.

most embarrasing thing i've been doing these past couple days is listening to live versions of 'creep' by radiohead a lot...

i posted the link to the zine on my twitter the other day. i'm going to print a few copies eventually. sending one to donovan and idk who else yet. tbh they just have to ask i'm willing to deal with the mail

ok so there's this neighbor guy who asks me for money every so often. i give him a few dollars when i can. won't give numbers cause thats besides the point. anyway i guess i met him earlier in the summer when he drubnkely asked me to play basketball with him. i think i worte about that. was in may or june. anyway, he had said he was going to get me a christmas present. he told my brother that. because i was a good person. or nice. one of the two. christmas passed and i never got a gift. there was a bag of pears that showed up but that was my next-door neighbor. yuesterday while on my ride my sister called me asking if i took my bike with me. i was annoyed cause duh, i thought she saw me. when i got home my other bike wasn't outside. i went in and my sister says that its in my room. i was confused as to why but then my mother tells me that the neighbor guy was about to walk away with it. that tehy heard the dog barking and didn't bother to see why until she had stopped, which is when they saw the guy opening the gate to walk out with the bike. my dad wnet out and got it back. they said he stopped when they opened the front door and said he wasn't trying to steal it. that he was just borrowing it to go to the store. which, even if true, you have to understand the optics in borrowing something without asking from people who you aren't necesserily friends with. i want to beleive him, sure, but its still such a weird thing to do

coming on here is way more fun when i'm at least one beer in. i don't think the chopstars take on wilco's 'yankee hotel foxtrot' was appreciated enough. it's easily a tyop album of the year. i guess i should make my notes app, top-ten albums list. it'll be on there. idk what else though. it's all a blur. of course a.g. cook, but other than that i have to think about it some more

i had my first print of the zine and realized what formatting errors i made. i think i corrected them now. have to reprint tomorrow to see. the issue i had was that i wanted to be able to fold and stable like a book. a clean fold through all the pages. the way i formatted the pdf made it to where each page had to be folded independantly, then sanwiched between the cover. so it made it thicker than it needed to be. and the staple had to go further into the page rather than along the 'spine'. it shoudl be good now. i do have to remake it (again (smdh!)) for the web version but that's fine. i already went ahead and fixed my site. it displays a pdf like how i want it to in the end, but obviously it's duisolpaying an outdated version of the zine. cause i have to reformat again. so after i finish and upload that, everything should be good. might share mty site again, like on my twitter. idk

the album was actually called 'yankee purple foxtrot'. the reimagined one

just finished the reformatting. i'm trying to go to bed at a decent hour. even avoided a nap earlier

i drove my cub through the washburn tunnel. i tried to record it but my phone was too shaky so it just looks weird. anyway, it was nice. it was fun. probably won't do it again for some time just cause it's so far out of the way

not sure how i got in the habit of staying up til four a.m. again. usually its a huge waste iof time but these past few nights, or mainly this one and half of another, i have been working on producing a zine full of my phtographs. i thought i just finished, but then remembered i wanted to add my 'some thoughts' poem. so i have to go back and add that. i was thinking of putting it in the sections page, but i may put it on the back cover. just to keep the inside more, fluid, i guess. i'm gonna go grab a beer

when my sister and her boyfriedn came over for christmas, they went out and got a pack of dos-equis. when they left the next morning, they took most of what was left, save for two, which, i don't know, i feel like they should've left all of them. or most, at least

ok adding the poem is taking more effort than i had hoped. almost done though

just bought some accesories for my honda cub. i'm hoping to have the whole passenger situation figured out within this week

have stuff to do tomorrow (mail stuff, pick up stuff, print stuff) so i'll go ahead anf finish what i have to do and go to bed

my grandfather died today. we were all hanging out in the living room/kitchen/dining room when i guess my dad got a call from a relative saying his father had passed. i didnt hear the call come in and i didn't notice when he left to his room (i was playing mario kart for the gamecube)

i had agreed to pick up my sister from her apartment out in dickinson so that she could go to the mall with my younger sister. i thought it was a dumb idea, but whatever, that's on them and their conscience. so she was here at home when my dad got the call. she's the one that told me. they ended up not going to the mall cause we were gonna go visit relatives

i was never particularly close to my grandfather. i guess when i was younger and more oblivious i would visit more often. his neighbor had a son my age and we would hang out a lot. i can't remember his name right now. i want to say it was 'irving' but i'm not sure. i think it had an 'r' though. anyway as i grew up i kinda stopped going. it wasn't much fun to go anymore. couldn't just run around in his backyard. to keep it simple, eventuallyu i caught on that him and my father didn't get along all that well. don't want to dive to into it but there was always some tension, and once i became aware of it i started to, like, percieve it more. so that obviously made me not want to go

i think the last time i saw him was last year. i remember having gotten back from my time in buenos aires and talking to them about it breifly. they being my grandparents. they didn't seem to interested in what i was saying then. he had been dealing with some kind of cancer, pancreatic i think, for some time. so in a way, there was a sort of preparation for it that had started for a while. i know it seems too removed, and maybe plays in to the perception that i don't have emotions, but i wasn't particulalry affected by his passing

we went to see my grandmother and whoever else was there, which was an aunt, and then later a cousin. first time seeing them in a while. my father and his sister and mother just recounted different stories about him. i guess i started to sympathize. i started visualizing myself with my siblings in their shoes. how we would deal with something like that. this is the first death in the family that i have dealt with, at least with any sort of relevance due to proximity. like, i knew them. i'd seen them throughout my life. and whether i felt close to them or not doesn't change that this is the first time i have to deal with a death like that. i suppose it is an easier case. since it probably won't evoke strong emotions on my end. i don't know if my father cried. i think he probably did. but i didn't see him. so i can't be sure

we got food after we left. i watched soccer with my father. his team won. i guess my team too. our team won, after overcoming a 0-4 deficit from the first game. i guess the universe gave him something good to balance out the negative. i know it's easy to disparage sports, but here, there is an example of how it can be good. a nice distraction